It's a Twin thing: Part 1

I am often asked what it's like to be a twin or how it was growing up as one.
All I can say is...I know why God gave me a twin. I could not have come through some of the most difficult times in my life without her!

Donna and I were born on Thursday, 31st January 1974.

That's Donna on the left of the photo and me on the right.

Our older sister Lisa was by that time ten years old and Mum and Dad were happy with their 'only child' and not planning on any more children when they got the news that another baby was on the way.
It wasn't until seven months into the pregnancy that Mum had it confirmed that she was having twins. But Mum had a feeling and had to convince the midwife that there were two babies. She thought she could feel two heads and unless there was something seriously wrong, the only explanation was twins! So they did a scan, which wasn't routine in those days, and Mum was right...she was having twins. Even though Mum had a feeling it was still a bit of a shock all the same!

They say twins skip a generation but that wasn't the case in our family.
Our Grandmother  (my mum's mum) had twins, Mum had twins (us!) and our older sister went on to have twins.
So it is a wonder that we didn't have twins especially as Donna married a twin!

We were due around Valentine's Day but came 2 weeks early.
I was born first, a breech delivery and then my sister followed 15 minutes later.
They probably wouldn't even consider a normal delivery these days if one twin is breech but back then I guess things were different. A Caesarean section would probably be offered now as a safer option.
We each had our own amniotic sack but shared a placenta which means that we are identical twins.
I think we were alike when we were little but our looks have changed over the years and I think you can tell us apart easily now, although we still get mistaken for each other even now!

Dad wasn't at the birth. It wasn't the done thing back then and he just dropped Mum off at the Maternity hospital. Of course, Dad was at work on nights when Mum went into labour and our sister Lisa had to run up the road to use a neighbours phone to call Dad and let him know.
Dad and Lisa learnt that Mum had given birth to two healthy baby girls the next morning.
Lisa was very excited to tell all her friends!

It must have been hard work in those early days for Mum but she did have a helper in Lisa who was more than happy to help out as a little mother! And of course Dad did what he could but had to go out to work.

Not sure I should share this...but I will!
Lisa was a fan of the Osmond's at the time...Donny and Marie Osmond were very popular at the time with their TV show...you know where I'm going with this don't you?! Yes...so now you know. But initially the first born was to be called Donna and the second born Marie. But when the midwife showed us to Mum for the first time she showed the second born twin first and so Donna was named Donna and I got the name Marie!

We slept together in the same cot for a long time and even if Mum put us top to tail, we would soon crawl up the other end to be cuddled up together.
We had a  large Silver Cross coach built pram and sat together side by side and no doubt drew a lot of attention when we were out and about.
Mum said she was often stopped and asked how she could tell us apart.
But mum's know these things and even though we are identical there were slight differences in the shapes of our faces and our little noses and features.

Mum bottle fed us so that others could share the responsibility of feeding us and we were brought up on watered down Carnation milk...no SMA back then! No wonder we were chubby babies. I think because we were 5 and a half pounds each at birth, Mum thought she needed to fatten us up a bit so the Health Visitor could see she was doing a good job of looking after us, which of course she was!

I remember becoming aware of this 'other person' who was always with me when I was a toddler I suppose.  I was rarely on my own and would play with this 'other person' all the time, sleep in the same room with her, eat and drink with her and go everywhere with her.
I kind of understood that she was my sister...but it was other people that made me aware that we were twins because they would say, "Aren't you two alike!" or "Which one's which?"

So I slowly realised we were 'the same'...we were twins.
And Mum always dressed us the same. Some 'twin' mums want to encourage their children to find their own identities and encourage them to grow up more as siblings than twins but I'm glad that we did dress the same and even when we had the choice as we got older, we didn't want to be different. Why should we? It was all we had known and we were comfortable with it.

                                            

I am on the left of this photo and Donna is on the right.

It is fair to say that Donna was the 'talker' in our younger days!
Mum says that people would offer up the question, "What's your names?"
And before I had chance to open my mouth Donna would say, "My name is Donna and her name is Marie!"
Yes, she did most of the talking and I was happy with that. I guess she was more confident and there is always one twin who is a little more dominant. Well that was the case when we were little.
I suppose as we've grown up and developed our own lives and had our own families, we have become our own person and equally as confident... and I can confirm we certainly don't dress the same now!

We reached milestones together. We learnt to walk and talk at the same time and got teeth days apart. We even lost the same teeth days apart too!
But unlike some twins, we didn't have any secret language...well not that I remember. We conversed normally but we were always very in tune with each other and would often come out with the same words at the same time and still do! Or Donna will start a sentence and I'll finish it!

                    

Donna is on the left of the photo, me on the right.

We were in the same class at primary school and would usually sit together. I always had to sit on the left side and Donna on the right because I am left handed and she is right handed and so to avoid clashing our hands and elbows together whilst writing, it was best to sit that way round.
But even walking together, I always felt more comfortable on the left hand side with Donna on the right...the other way round didn't feel right!

We had the same friends because we were in the same class I suppose but we usually orientated towards the same children and would visit  their house together.
I look back on my primary school days with fondness. We both learnt to play the recorder, then the flute and we loved to sing. Donna would sing melody whilst I sang the harmony!
And we made some lovely friends who helped create those happy memories too.

We didn't really want to move onto secondary school to be honest. It was a real wrench to leave our happy days at primary school behind.
Secondary school seemed so big and 'grown up' in contrast and for two girls who were happy being 'young' it was a difficult transition.
Sometimes the kids at secondary school would pick on us for being 'posh'. Our accents weren't as northern as theirs because we had southern parents and they would make fun of the whole 'twin thing'. We often fell into step whilst walking together and that often caused someone to make unkind remarks, usually boys, who called us 'twinnies'.
Quite a contrast to primary school where we were accepted and popular.

But I didn't have to face that difficult transition alone. I am thankful that on the days when I just didn't want to go, we would 'do it together' and then run home from school and go back to 'our little world'.

I guess that even though we had friends we did have our own little world of sorts. It was something that others weren't part of. We would happily play together and forget about the 'outside world' because it sometimes seemed such a scary place.

Yes, we led sheltered lives. We weren't exposed to difficult times. Not then. We had a happy childhood and wanted those days to last forever.

It took a long time for us to start dressing differently. It was when we started secondary school and in a way we were forced into it. I don't think 'we' were ready, it was 'society' that dictated what was acceptable and I suppose once you have moved onto secondary school you should show everyone that you are growing up and becoming your own person. So we did dress differently but it took a while to adjust and we would sometimes wear the same clothes in different colours. But it was a massive milestone.

We adjusted to life at secondary school eventually and enjoyed doing the annual 'Musical Extravaganza' shows together. It was fun singing and dancing on the stage and we often used to entertain friends and family with the songs we had learnt.
We made a few different friends at secondary school because even though we were in the same form we did have some different classes. We wore name badges and would swap them and play tricks on the teachers and have a giggle behind their backs!

We did argue sometimes. I remember we used to get into some physical arguments too, especially when we were playing music together...if one of us didn't play it right...well, it's a wonder my flute didn't end up looking like a saxophone because I definitely remember hitting Donna over the head with it!
And I stabbed her on the back of the hand with a pen once in a lesson because she was being annoying! It left a 'tattoo' ink spot on the back of her hand for years.
Donna was quite competitive and would get in a grump if I was winning a game and that often resulted in arguments! I do remember mum suggesting she'd get some boxing gloves for us for Christmas one year!
But on the whole we got on really well...and still do.

It was during a sewing lesson when we were about 13 that I remember the first time I felt a 'supernatural' twin thing happen.
Donna was sewing on the sewing machine and managed to....*turn away now if you're squeamish*... put the sewing machine needle through her finger! Ouch!
I was on the other side of the classroom but felt a pain go right through my index finger...What made me turn to look at her I don't know but I knew instantly that she had hurt herself.

Thankfully it had not gone right through the whole finger, just the nail, but the point is, I felt it!
How strange.

We often knew what each other was thinking with just a glance at each other or a nod.
We always knew how each other felt and through testing and difficult times that has been a good and bad thing. Good-because we have great empathy and understanding for one another. Bad- because you wish you could take the pain or sadness of a situation away knowing how distressing or bad things are.

And we have shared difficult times over the years...I'll share more next time and tell you how Donna helped me through them...hankies at the ready, there will be tears!