Army Wife

Radio 1 has teamed up with BFBS ( British Forces Broadcasting Service) and are broadcasting live from Camp Bastion this week.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/latestnews/2012/greg-james-bastion.html

It made me think of all those serving out in Afghanistan at this time of year and how difficult it is for them and their loved ones at home.
Christmas is a time when family should be together and for some that won't be possible this year.

This evening, I was listening to Greg James read out some messages from home to loved ones serving over there and one dedication really touched me. It was from a young army wife whose husband is at Camp Bastion at the moment and it is their first wedding anniversary later this week...they won't be able to celebrate it together! She is also expecting their first child in April...he's not home til May!

The life of an army wife can be so difficult at times and I know some of those serving soldiers out there would agree, it can be just as difficult for the loved ones at home as it is for the soldiers on tour. The one at home is often left  juggling home life, work and children whilst supporting their husband/boyfriend in the best way they can, finding time to write letters, send parcels and be a loving and caring voice at the end of the phone when they phone home after a difficult day.

I thought I might share some of my thoughts on being an 'army wife', the role I chose when I married my husband, Phil, three and half years ago and recall the first time we experienced a tour of duty and a long separation.



I married Phil on a lovely sunny day in July 2009. By that time, I had already experienced him doing a tour of Afghanistan. We had only been together 11 months but were already engaged when he went away for four months in May 2008. It was tougher than I had expected.

Phil is a Sergeant in the REME- Royal Electrical & Mechanical Engineers and works as a technician fixing Apache helicopters. I remember that we were expecting him to go away at some point later on that year but he got a phone call to say he was needed out there sooner and so we had 2 weeks notice.

I had received a text from Phil when I was at work to call him. I was unsure what was on his mind that he couldn't share in a text. So, when I finished work I called him as I sat in the car.
I wasn't prepared for the news he shared  and  remember sitting there for a while afterwards feeling sorry for myself and had a cry because I knew a tour was coming but not this soon.
And so, we prepared ourselves mentally for him going away.

Some people said to me that I knew what I was letting myself in for when Phil and I got together but you don't really know how things will be when you're separated for four months until you are going through it.

Previous to meeting Phil I had been on my own for a few years, raising the girls as a single mum and in that time became very independent and I think that was good preparation for the role I now found myself in.
But I have always had the love and support of family, friends and church family and I couldn't do it without any of them! It is so important to have support and I am blessed to have it.


The sadness I felt on the day we said goodbye was overwhelming. I remember in the days leading up to that goodbye we'd shared lots of tears together in anticipation and dread of the next four months apart.It felt like a lead weight was weighing my heart down. It felt like part of me was leaving...and it was. Our hearts had become entwined in the time we had been together and it was no longer just 'me' it was 'us'.
Phil left a t-shirt behind that smelt of him and the fragrance that he wears...I would cuddle up to it at night...and then the tears would come.

The first few weeks are the most difficult because it feels like you have a mountain the size of Everest to climb before you make your way back down towards the time your beloved will come home.  I felt quite emotional at times. I'm thankful that the girls and work kept me busy...but I couldn't help but think of him all those miles away. I work in a school and one day, in those early days, I remember the class teacher reading a story to the children and the part where the husband/dad went off to war sent me running off to another room to have a few tears! Sadness would wash over me when I least expected it. Another time this happened was whilst the children were singing in choir...can't think of the song now but I know it made me think of Phil and it set me off again!


I know that Phil was feeling just as sad as I was but to know I was at home waiting for him and supporting him and loving him from afar helped him through those four months and the count down to being together again started as soon as he left! Every day that passed when he was away was a day closer to being together again...and those days did pass, quicker than I thought they would.


Thankfully with the aid of today's technology we were able to email regularly and would also send 'Blueys' and 'E-blueys' to one another.

For those of you unfamiliar with army correspondence, a Bluey is an aerogramme that can be sent through the British Forces Post Office (BFPO) and is blue in colour (hence the name!) and self sealing. It is free to send and you can pick them up readily at the Post office and post them in any post box. Likewise, an E-Bluey is the same thing but sent electronically via the wonders of technology...a bit like an email that is printed out at the other end but self sealed, like a payslip.
I would send them to Phil and he would send them to me and there was nothing nicer and more uplifting that finding a bluey on the door mat as I opened the door on returning home from work! Sometimes a few would come at once and I would savour them, make myself a cup of tea and sit down, reading them one by one, carefully reading it to pick up on how he was feeling and what he'd been up to. I asked him to date them on the outside because sometimes when a few came at once I couldn't tell which order they had been written in and wanted to read them in order!

As well as Blueys and emails I'd send him a parcel of goodies now and again. Usually food related! Phil's favourite, beef jerky always went down well along with other snacks and treats like crisps, sweets and biscuits. I didn't send chocolate though because in the summer months it is scorching out there. I sent out toiletries (not aerosols though, they're not allowed) and sun lotion too. In fact, Phil came back with a great sun tan and we all jested with him saying he'd been on a holiday for four months!

I worried about him but with the role he was doing out there, he wasn't 'front line' and so the danger was minimal. Still not a nice place to be though. He spent the first few months at Camp Bastion and then finished the tour at Kandahar Air Field (known as KAF). Life at Camp Bastion then was even more primitive than now and he was sleeping in large tents where the amenities weren't great but when he went to Kandahar the accommodation was much better and it even had it's only little shopping complex called 'The Boardwalk' where he treated himself to the occasional coffee and bought teddys for our girls! It must have seemed like an American shopping mall after living in the confines of Camp Bastion.

I'm not sure how other wives feel about this but I did feel guilty at times. Guilty, that I was at home, with all the home comforts that go with it whilst he was sharing a tent or accommodation block with so many others. Guilty, that I could relax in our nice living room and watch the television whilst he was probably trying to watch a screen with 20 others or on a small laptop screen. Guilty, that I could enjoy a glass of wine whilst he was working in a 'dry zone' where no alcohol was allowed. Guilty, that I had my own space whilst most of the time he had to share his with so many others. I felt bad that when I enjoyed a night with family or friends, he wasn't there to enjoy it too...and when it came to sharing my day I would sometimes play it down so he didn't feel down about it. The last thing he wanted to hear, or so I thought was about me enjoying myself, but I was wrong. So often he would say how it was great to hear I'd had a nice evening with family or that I'd enjoyed a good film. He didn't want me to sit around feeling sorry for myself or not enjoying life just because he wasn't there to share it with me. He didn't want my life to be on hold for four months just because his was until we were reunited again.

For those at home there is a constant reminder that 'he' is not there. The empty seat on the sofa next to you when you're enjoying a film. The cold space on the other side of the bed that you venture over to, only to find he's not there. The empty seat at church, the empty chair at a restaurant or get together but I carried him in my heart always, no empty space there.

Unlike some army wives, our home is over 300 miles away from where Phil is based and he is usually home on the weekend and away Monday to Friday, so in that respect I was used to him not always being around but the weekends would come and the reality that he was away would hit me again.

And so the days would pass...counting, counting, me and him.


We did manage to speak on the phone fairly regularly and he would get a phone card whilst out there to enable him to phone home when he could, usually a couple of times a week. Ah, the sound of his voice...it was so good to hear his voice but would also make me feel very sad and more alone when I got off the phone to him and likewise he'd feel the same. He'd email me later and then tell me how it meant so much to hear my voice but would leave him feeling even more aware of the miles between us. But we wouldn't be without those phone calls...they were like a little oasis in the long tour of duty...we'd soak it all up and hold onto every word, recalling it all again later.

There were times when I wouldn't hear from him, when all communications were shut down.
These times are known as 'Op Minimise'. This is when something has happened, usually a fatality, and they don't want the news to get back to family without it following the official course of action. With today's ease of communication that could so easily happen with Facebook or email.

So on the days I didn't hear from Phil, I would wonder what had happened and it would make me think of those at home, knowing that soon, someone, somewhere, completely unaware  would have news they never wanted to hear.
I prayed often for Phil and the guys out there, even more so on days when I didn't hear from him...prayed he was safe, prayed for all the armed forces out there and for their protection. If Phil had been front line I'm not sure how I would have felt on days like those. It must be an agonising wait for wives whose men are front line. I know just watching the news on television was difficult at times knowing Phil was there.

Once you get to the half way point,  things always appear more easier to manage and cope with. You just keep focusing on the end and counting down to those last few weeks and days.
And although I was excited and happy at the thought of having Phil home once more, I did worry about reconnecting and being around him again...it has been so long and I had adapted because you have to...and I know he felt the same. Could we pick up where we left off?

The girls and I made a banner and hung it outside the house from the upstairs windows welcoming him home. Wives who lived nearby met their husbands once they arrived on camp but Phil had the long drive home first before we could be reunited. And it was a few days before that happened because they have to debrief. Knowing he was back in the country made me feel so excited but frustrated that it would be a little longer before I got to see him.
In hind sight perhaps I should have taken the girls out of school and gone down there and found accommodation but he would still have had to go to work until he  was debriefed.
And when he did arrive home the excitement was at fever pitch!

Phil arrived home in the afternoon whilst the girls were still at school. He rang ahead to say he was almost home and  I remember him pulling on to the driveway in his car as I waited at the door. I just ran up to him as soon as he got out the car and flung my arms around him and gave him a long kiss...a kiss I'd waited four months to give him!
I couldn't believe it. To see him in the flesh and to look into his blue eyes...not just a photo anymore! It all seemed a bit surreal and we had a few tears. I was just so thankful to have him home, relieved and overjoyed, happy and overwhelmed all at once...a whole range of emotion!

Then we picked the girls up from school and they ran up the school driveway and threw themselves into his arms! And there were more tears!

And slowly we readjusted to being back together again. It wasn't always plain sailing but when you love each other, love wins through and the good times always outweigh any bad.

Since then, Phil has worked over in the US for a few months at a time and also served in Afghanistan again, January-May 2011.

So we are seasoned hands at it all now. Not that it gets any easier and I'm thankful he didn't have to go away again this year.

I dedicate this post to all the Army wives/girlfriends out there. You are all doing a great job supporting your husbands/boyfriends and holding down the fort until they're home again.
Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman who stands behind him, supports him, and loves him with all her heart.

God bless you all!