For Valentines day: How we met...A true love story!

Let me tell you the story of how Phil and I met...

Well, it's not the way I thought I would meet my husband!
As many of you know, I was married before and sadly it ended unexpectedly for me. I really was heartbroken for a long time. I thought I would never be able to trust again, love again or feel love for someone again. And more to the point....would anyone love me? A single mum with 3 young children.

In 2007, three years after my first marriage ended, I was sat on the sofa one night enjoying a glass of wine, watching a movie and felt very alone. I felt overwhelming sadness that I was on my own. I loved my girls with all my heart and had so much love to give them but I knew that I also felt there was love in me to love another. What a waste it would be to go through life knowing that not only could I receive love but also give love and share love with another if only I would risk it...and it was a risk. I had been hurt, badly.
Did I want to put myself in that situation again? But then if I didn't I would never know.

But where would I find love? They say you find love when you are least expecting it but for me I wasn't out there to find it. My time was taken up with looking after the girls, the home and going to work. It was only rarely that I would go for a night out with friends.

So, my mind pondered all of this and I decided I had to be pro-active. If love wasn't going to find me, I was going to find it!

One afternoon I opened up Google on the Internet and typed in Christian Dating sites. As a christian, it was important to me that I found someone who shared my faith. But ultimately, as long as that person was kind, loving and caring and accepted my beliefs that was all I  wanted. He didn't have to be going to church every week,  just have good moral values and a kind and loving heart.
I wasn't looking for a husband, just friendship and romance and was happy to see if things would develop into more...little did I know!

A site came up called Link Christians. It told me it was free for the first month and how much success the site had had. It looked promising as I put in my details and it found matches for the criteria I had selected.

A few photos and details appeared but one photo and profile in particular really stood out to me.

His face was kind and he had a twinkle in his blue eyes. I found him attractive and as I read his profile felt that I should send him a 'smile'. This was the way you let someone know you had viewed their profile and liked what you saw!

His name was Phil and he was in the Army. He shared a little bit about his hobbies and interests and mentioned that he had worked in a special needs school for about 6 years before changing careers and joining the Army.
I am a teaching assistant and so this interested me. It would be a talking point and it was obvious that he liked children which is what I was looking for in a  partner.
He also said that although he was brought up as a christian he hadn't been actively going to church anywhere for quite some time but the foundations were there and he still held onto his beliefs.
I felt ok with that and could understand that army life isn't perhaps the easiest place to be a christian.
He was also from the North west of England, although based in Suffolk with the Army but I thought it might be easy to meet up when he was home. To be honest, I had been on my own for so long, I felt that if he was working away during the week and we saw each other on the weekend, that would be fine for me!

I checked in on the site the next day...and the next day, expecting him to have responded to my 'smile'. But nothing.
The more I looked at his photo and profile I had this feeling that I needed to contact him so that we could establish if there was any interest on his part because there certainly was on mine!
God spoke to me through this strong feeling that Phil was going to come into my life in a big way so I wasn't going to let this opportunity go!

So, I told my twin sister Donna what I was up to.
I had Donna help me put a message together something along the lines of I thought that we had a few things in common and how much I liked his profile. In fact I think Donna typed it for me and sent it because I felt a bit nervous.

Well, I kept checking in on the web site for a few more days but still nothing.
I did receive a few 'smiles' and messages from others though, which helped my confidence and gave me hope that there were actually men out there, that after reading my profile, were interested...even with me having 3 children!

But the guys who got in touch, although very nice, didn't 'float by boat' the same as Phil!

Finally, after nearly a week I checked in on the website and found that Phil had left me a message!
I can't tell you how excited I felt! I had butterflies in my tummy and felt a bit giddy that he'd responded but what did his message say...?

I opened the message and was relieved to find that he liked the look of my profile too and had decided to leave me his email address so that we could exchange a bit more information about ourselves.

I can't quite remember but I'm sure I will have hurried off to tell Donna my big news! She is always the first to know when anything good or bad happens in my life!

We sent each other a few emails and Phil shared with me why he'd taken so long to respond.
He had signed up for the months free membership like me but when I had sent my 'smile' his free membership had expired and he would then have to pay the £12.00 a month to access the site.
He'd received my 'smile' but couldn't see my details and so debated whether or not to sign up again so he could view my profile. Eventually, he paid the £12 and accessed my profile. I'm so glad he did!

We exchanged emails and went on online messenger and chatted for a bit and then after about a week decided we should phone each other.
We decided on a day and convenient time. I remember the excitement I felt at the prospect of hearing his voice....

The girls were tucked up in bed when the phone rang. I answered it.
'Hello Marie, It's Phil',  I heard on the other end of the line. How exciting! He sounded very nice, well spoken and he sounded pleased to hear my voice too.

We must have spoken for a few hours! He was so easy to talk to and I remember liking the way he said 'because' ...more like 'becorrs' and he said my voice was deeper than he expected and not so northern...well I guess I have my southern parents to thank for that!

In that conversation we must have covered nearly every aspect of our lives. Our childhoods, family, relationships and ...Cillit Bang!

Yes, very strange I know! But we must have gotten on to talking about cleaning ( I know, what the heck?) and we must have mentioned products we use and ended up talking about the latest product on the market at the time, which was Cillit Bang! I don't even use it...perhaps I tried it, but honestly, what a thing to talk about!

But it didn't put him off! We phoned each other a few more times and then decided to meet.

The date was set, Saturday 30th June 2007.
I couldn't wait to meet him. I woke up that morning feeling quite peaceful about it all not nervous as I had expected.
Phil drove up the motorway that morning to meet us. I say us because it wasn't about just meeting me, it was about meeting the girls too.
I had asked them if they wanted to meet my new friend who I had been emailing and they said they were fine with it. I explained that his name was Phil and he was in the Army and I was excited to meet him. It was important to me that the girls were all ok with it and I would have waited a bit longer to meet him if necessary. But there was no point him just meeting me alone without the girls beacause if the relationship was to develop, the girls were going to be a big part of his life along with me.

I got a phone call  to say he'd set off and then I got another phone call when he was only a few minutes away. He rang to check the directions to the house.

So, knowing he was only a few minutes away I waited by the front door.
My middle daughter, Laura, was playing out in the street with a friend and Phil slowed the car down and spoke out of the car window to her telling her that he was Phil and recognised that she was Laura. They smiled and passed a few words between each other and then he pulled on to the driveway.
I felt excited. He was smiling at me and his blue eyes were twinkling, just like they did in the photo I had seen of him.
As he got out the car and walked towards me, my youngest Eleanor got passed me to say hello first and asked if he did piggy backs!
Phil obliged and Eleanor climbed onto his back! He was stood in the hallway saying hello to us all but with the girls there, I didn't give him a hug or a kiss...not until later!

Looking back it must have been quite overwhelming for him! But he coped very well.
I guess I was very aware of how the girls would react to him and so was careful not to show too much affection but I knew that even prior to meeting him, I had given him a little piece of my heart!
What I did notice was that he didn't hold much eye contact with me. He kept looking down or away when he was talking. I was a little unsure why but he told me a while later that he felt 'overwhelmed by my beauty' and thought 'how am I going to impress her?!'
Ha ha! Honestly, he needn't have worried...I was worried he would think I wasn't what he thought I was in the photograph!
He looked just as I'd expected him to but was a little shorter than I'd thought. He'd said he was 5"11 on his profile when in fact he's probably more like 5"9 and half!
He also commented that I was taller than he thought but I'd been accurate and said I was 5"6, it was just that he was shorter!
I remember he smelt of coconuts too! It was the scent of the toiletries he was using at the time but I liked it.

He also met my twin sister Donna that day...It was important he passed that test, which he did!

And so we all went out together to have lunch and then went to the cinema to watch Shrek.
I sat next to Phil and we sneekily held hands and whispered to each other how glad we were to have met one another. And we had a little kiss too when the girls weren't looking!

At the end of that afternoon, we were very keen to meet again and we arranged to meet the following week because he was on leave. This time, whilst the girls were spending time with their dad, I shared some time with Phil, just the two of us...and love blossomed.

Within a few weeks we were saying I love you to one another...in fact it I think it was Phil that said it first!
Later that summer I met Phil's family.
It was lovely to meet them and I didn't underestimate how they may have been slightly apprehensive about Phil finding love with a divorcee with 3 children but they seemed to accept me and the girls and showed me much love and kindness. In fact it was Phil's brother and sister in law who had encouraged him to go on the dating website to begin with so I have a lot to thank them for!

He was at a point in his life where he had had some long term relationships but none of them had worked out and he was starting to wonder if he'd ever find love and get married.
Phil has said, that he was looking for love in all the wrong places... until I came along!

Phil started coming along to the church I attend. He had been honest with me at the start and said how he'd not been to church for a long time. I'm glad he was open to coming along to my church and before long he was coming every Sunday, getting to know new friends and enjoying the fellowship.
I know since we have been together that his faith has grown as a result of this and my faith has grown in that time also.

Things were going really well and we were very careful to include the girls in all our decisions.
It became obvious that we were meant to be together and we did ask the girls how they would feel if we got married and they didn't have any objections. They got on with Phil so well and he was great with them.
Phil would come up from Suffolk every weekend, driving the 600 mile round trip to spend time with us.
And in March 2008 Phil proposed marriage and I said yes!

I never thought I would marry again after the heartbreak I had been through in my past but I did. I trusted Phil, I loved him and knew it was God's plan for us to be together.
On a beautiful, sunny day, on the 31st of July 2009, just over 2 years after we first met, we became husband and wife and got married at the church we both attend.

It was such a very special day which we celebrated with friends and family.
Sarah, my eldest daughter, walked me down the aisle that day with Laura and Eleanor walking ahead of us. I felt thankful that I'd had a second chance at love, that I could share my life with someone and know true love.

I know for sure God played a part in bringing us together.There is no way we would have met under ordinary circumstances. I lived miles away from Phil and he had no reason to come to my part of the country.
Phil was an answer to prayer. I would never have met him if it wasn't for the internet! How it has made the world a smaller place and a place I now share with Phil.

My Mum and Dad recently celebrated 55 years of marriage...something I aspire to even if that will mean Phil and I will be 90 when and if we get there! But I have seen the way their love for one another has changed, grown and deepened over the years. They really have worked at their marriage and been there for one another in the good times and bad. They are a real inspiration.

Phil and I celebrate 4 years of marriage in July and we have shared many happy times together and created some beautiful memories but I will be honest and say at times it's not been easy. Every marriage has it's ups and downs and we have certainly shared some tough times together along the way, especially during long periods of separation, when Phil has been away in Afghanistan but our love and God's love has brought us this far and I pray it continues to.

I dedicate this blog post to you Phil.

Phil, you are a wonderful, caring, kind and loving husband who is always there for me and I am blessed to have you in my life.


I love you! xxxxx

Army Wife

Radio 1 has teamed up with BFBS ( British Forces Broadcasting Service) and are broadcasting live from Camp Bastion this week.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/latestnews/2012/greg-james-bastion.html

It made me think of all those serving out in Afghanistan at this time of year and how difficult it is for them and their loved ones at home.
Christmas is a time when family should be together and for some that won't be possible this year.

This evening, I was listening to Greg James read out some messages from home to loved ones serving over there and one dedication really touched me. It was from a young army wife whose husband is at Camp Bastion at the moment and it is their first wedding anniversary later this week...they won't be able to celebrate it together! She is also expecting their first child in April...he's not home til May!

The life of an army wife can be so difficult at times and I know some of those serving soldiers out there would agree, it can be just as difficult for the loved ones at home as it is for the soldiers on tour. The one at home is often left  juggling home life, work and children whilst supporting their husband/boyfriend in the best way they can, finding time to write letters, send parcels and be a loving and caring voice at the end of the phone when they phone home after a difficult day.

I thought I might share some of my thoughts on being an 'army wife', the role I chose when I married my husband, Phil, three and half years ago and recall the first time we experienced a tour of duty and a long separation.



I married Phil on a lovely sunny day in July 2009. By that time, I had already experienced him doing a tour of Afghanistan. We had only been together 11 months but were already engaged when he went away for four months in May 2008. It was tougher than I had expected.

Phil is a Sergeant in the REME- Royal Electrical & Mechanical Engineers and works as a technician fixing Apache helicopters. I remember that we were expecting him to go away at some point later on that year but he got a phone call to say he was needed out there sooner and so we had 2 weeks notice.

I had received a text from Phil when I was at work to call him. I was unsure what was on his mind that he couldn't share in a text. So, when I finished work I called him as I sat in the car.
I wasn't prepared for the news he shared  and  remember sitting there for a while afterwards feeling sorry for myself and had a cry because I knew a tour was coming but not this soon.
And so, we prepared ourselves mentally for him going away.

Some people said to me that I knew what I was letting myself in for when Phil and I got together but you don't really know how things will be when you're separated for four months until you are going through it.

Previous to meeting Phil I had been on my own for a few years, raising the girls as a single mum and in that time became very independent and I think that was good preparation for the role I now found myself in.
But I have always had the love and support of family, friends and church family and I couldn't do it without any of them! It is so important to have support and I am blessed to have it.


The sadness I felt on the day we said goodbye was overwhelming. I remember in the days leading up to that goodbye we'd shared lots of tears together in anticipation and dread of the next four months apart.It felt like a lead weight was weighing my heart down. It felt like part of me was leaving...and it was. Our hearts had become entwined in the time we had been together and it was no longer just 'me' it was 'us'.
Phil left a t-shirt behind that smelt of him and the fragrance that he wears...I would cuddle up to it at night...and then the tears would come.

The first few weeks are the most difficult because it feels like you have a mountain the size of Everest to climb before you make your way back down towards the time your beloved will come home.  I felt quite emotional at times. I'm thankful that the girls and work kept me busy...but I couldn't help but think of him all those miles away. I work in a school and one day, in those early days, I remember the class teacher reading a story to the children and the part where the husband/dad went off to war sent me running off to another room to have a few tears! Sadness would wash over me when I least expected it. Another time this happened was whilst the children were singing in choir...can't think of the song now but I know it made me think of Phil and it set me off again!


I know that Phil was feeling just as sad as I was but to know I was at home waiting for him and supporting him and loving him from afar helped him through those four months and the count down to being together again started as soon as he left! Every day that passed when he was away was a day closer to being together again...and those days did pass, quicker than I thought they would.


Thankfully with the aid of today's technology we were able to email regularly and would also send 'Blueys' and 'E-blueys' to one another.

For those of you unfamiliar with army correspondence, a Bluey is an aerogramme that can be sent through the British Forces Post Office (BFPO) and is blue in colour (hence the name!) and self sealing. It is free to send and you can pick them up readily at the Post office and post them in any post box. Likewise, an E-Bluey is the same thing but sent electronically via the wonders of technology...a bit like an email that is printed out at the other end but self sealed, like a payslip.
I would send them to Phil and he would send them to me and there was nothing nicer and more uplifting that finding a bluey on the door mat as I opened the door on returning home from work! Sometimes a few would come at once and I would savour them, make myself a cup of tea and sit down, reading them one by one, carefully reading it to pick up on how he was feeling and what he'd been up to. I asked him to date them on the outside because sometimes when a few came at once I couldn't tell which order they had been written in and wanted to read them in order!

As well as Blueys and emails I'd send him a parcel of goodies now and again. Usually food related! Phil's favourite, beef jerky always went down well along with other snacks and treats like crisps, sweets and biscuits. I didn't send chocolate though because in the summer months it is scorching out there. I sent out toiletries (not aerosols though, they're not allowed) and sun lotion too. In fact, Phil came back with a great sun tan and we all jested with him saying he'd been on a holiday for four months!

I worried about him but with the role he was doing out there, he wasn't 'front line' and so the danger was minimal. Still not a nice place to be though. He spent the first few months at Camp Bastion and then finished the tour at Kandahar Air Field (known as KAF). Life at Camp Bastion then was even more primitive than now and he was sleeping in large tents where the amenities weren't great but when he went to Kandahar the accommodation was much better and it even had it's only little shopping complex called 'The Boardwalk' where he treated himself to the occasional coffee and bought teddys for our girls! It must have seemed like an American shopping mall after living in the confines of Camp Bastion.

I'm not sure how other wives feel about this but I did feel guilty at times. Guilty, that I was at home, with all the home comforts that go with it whilst he was sharing a tent or accommodation block with so many others. Guilty, that I could relax in our nice living room and watch the television whilst he was probably trying to watch a screen with 20 others or on a small laptop screen. Guilty, that I could enjoy a glass of wine whilst he was working in a 'dry zone' where no alcohol was allowed. Guilty, that I had my own space whilst most of the time he had to share his with so many others. I felt bad that when I enjoyed a night with family or friends, he wasn't there to enjoy it too...and when it came to sharing my day I would sometimes play it down so he didn't feel down about it. The last thing he wanted to hear, or so I thought was about me enjoying myself, but I was wrong. So often he would say how it was great to hear I'd had a nice evening with family or that I'd enjoyed a good film. He didn't want me to sit around feeling sorry for myself or not enjoying life just because he wasn't there to share it with me. He didn't want my life to be on hold for four months just because his was until we were reunited again.

For those at home there is a constant reminder that 'he' is not there. The empty seat on the sofa next to you when you're enjoying a film. The cold space on the other side of the bed that you venture over to, only to find he's not there. The empty seat at church, the empty chair at a restaurant or get together but I carried him in my heart always, no empty space there.

Unlike some army wives, our home is over 300 miles away from where Phil is based and he is usually home on the weekend and away Monday to Friday, so in that respect I was used to him not always being around but the weekends would come and the reality that he was away would hit me again.

And so the days would pass...counting, counting, me and him.


We did manage to speak on the phone fairly regularly and he would get a phone card whilst out there to enable him to phone home when he could, usually a couple of times a week. Ah, the sound of his voice...it was so good to hear his voice but would also make me feel very sad and more alone when I got off the phone to him and likewise he'd feel the same. He'd email me later and then tell me how it meant so much to hear my voice but would leave him feeling even more aware of the miles between us. But we wouldn't be without those phone calls...they were like a little oasis in the long tour of duty...we'd soak it all up and hold onto every word, recalling it all again later.

There were times when I wouldn't hear from him, when all communications were shut down.
These times are known as 'Op Minimise'. This is when something has happened, usually a fatality, and they don't want the news to get back to family without it following the official course of action. With today's ease of communication that could so easily happen with Facebook or email.

So on the days I didn't hear from Phil, I would wonder what had happened and it would make me think of those at home, knowing that soon, someone, somewhere, completely unaware  would have news they never wanted to hear.
I prayed often for Phil and the guys out there, even more so on days when I didn't hear from him...prayed he was safe, prayed for all the armed forces out there and for their protection. If Phil had been front line I'm not sure how I would have felt on days like those. It must be an agonising wait for wives whose men are front line. I know just watching the news on television was difficult at times knowing Phil was there.

Once you get to the half way point,  things always appear more easier to manage and cope with. You just keep focusing on the end and counting down to those last few weeks and days.
And although I was excited and happy at the thought of having Phil home once more, I did worry about reconnecting and being around him again...it has been so long and I had adapted because you have to...and I know he felt the same. Could we pick up where we left off?

The girls and I made a banner and hung it outside the house from the upstairs windows welcoming him home. Wives who lived nearby met their husbands once they arrived on camp but Phil had the long drive home first before we could be reunited. And it was a few days before that happened because they have to debrief. Knowing he was back in the country made me feel so excited but frustrated that it would be a little longer before I got to see him.
In hind sight perhaps I should have taken the girls out of school and gone down there and found accommodation but he would still have had to go to work until he  was debriefed.
And when he did arrive home the excitement was at fever pitch!

Phil arrived home in the afternoon whilst the girls were still at school. He rang ahead to say he was almost home and  I remember him pulling on to the driveway in his car as I waited at the door. I just ran up to him as soon as he got out the car and flung my arms around him and gave him a long kiss...a kiss I'd waited four months to give him!
I couldn't believe it. To see him in the flesh and to look into his blue eyes...not just a photo anymore! It all seemed a bit surreal and we had a few tears. I was just so thankful to have him home, relieved and overjoyed, happy and overwhelmed all at once...a whole range of emotion!

Then we picked the girls up from school and they ran up the school driveway and threw themselves into his arms! And there were more tears!

And slowly we readjusted to being back together again. It wasn't always plain sailing but when you love each other, love wins through and the good times always outweigh any bad.

Since then, Phil has worked over in the US for a few months at a time and also served in Afghanistan again, January-May 2011.

So we are seasoned hands at it all now. Not that it gets any easier and I'm thankful he didn't have to go away again this year.

I dedicate this post to all the Army wives/girlfriends out there. You are all doing a great job supporting your husbands/boyfriends and holding down the fort until they're home again.
Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman who stands behind him, supports him, and loves him with all her heart.

God bless you all!